So, You Want to Be a Tree Mr. Shatner – We Can Help

William Shatner’s new song, “I Want to Be a Tree”, has generated a lot of interest among us trees. Released on his 93^rd birthday, he sings that instead of being buried in a box, his “. . .wish is clear. Just plant me like a seed. Cause, I want to be a tree.” You can listen to it here, if you like.

In this story, I’ll share my reasons why he should join the bristlecone pine family and just to be fair, I’m letting a few other trees give their pitch too. Hopefully, he picks one of us. So, @williamshatner, if you’re listening or reading, here’s my pitch.

Live Long and Prosper

Okay, maybe not prosper in the traditional sense. Here along the Methuselah Trail in the Inyo National Forest, we bristlecone pines have limited resources, but somehow that helps us live long lives. We’ve got one tree down the way that’s over 5,000 years old. So, Mr. Shatner, perhaps you want to be buried here and ‘live long’ at least.

Now I know you sing that you want to be formed into a pod, which is stuck in the ground, watered and somehow grows into a tree, but I’ve lived long enough to tell you – that’s not how it works. You yourself, can’t sprout leaves and roots and become a tree – but most of the various parts of you can help trees like me grow and have offspring, so you’ll live on in many trees. The water in your body will help us in the driest parts of the year and the nitrogen and potassium, in particular, will provide nourishment for me and my saplings. We’ll make sure nothing goes to waste and you’ll literally live on as part of us for thousands of years to come. How does that sound?

Come Home to Canada

While it was a few years back, you’ll recall that you were born in Montreal, Canada. Nice place, if they don’t separate from the rest of the country. Just to be safe, we think you should consider a  pretty spot of land near us in Butchart Gardens, near Victoria, BC.

It’s said – at  least by people from Vancouver – that Victoria is for the ‘newly wed and the nearly dead’, so we think it would be fitting somehow for one of the newly dead to end up here. And who would be better than one of Canada’s most famous sons?

As you can see, it’s a beautiful spot and we can guarantee that your body will be decomposed in no time and become part of the lives of many trees.

So, come home Mr. Shatner.

Moonshot

Hi Bill. Can I call you Bill? I feel like we have a lot in common. We’re both good looking, intelligent and have a strong interest in space. I had a dream awhile back that I made it to the moon, thanks to a generous billionaire. Maybe it’s the same guy that gave you a free ticket to space.

So, if you choose to get buried by me, I promise I’ll do everything I can to get me and parts of you sent to the moon. And if it doesn’t happen in my lifetime, I’ll ask my kids to continue this mission.

To the moon and beyond, I say. What do you think?

Plenty of Leaves – and it’s Maui

Aloha. Yeah, we live on Maui and think you should pick a spot near us for your final resting place. We’re right by the beach and unlike the other trees trying to interest you, we do have lots of leaves and provide a good amount of shade – just like you sing:

“With plenty of leaves and bark to spare . . .

Sit right down under my shade.”

We know you honeymooned on Maui in 1997 and were a guest on the Maui Celebrity Series around New Years in 2015. So, bra, consider our lovely spot and make the right choice.

Mahalo.

Hope you Love us Lava Trees

Hi Mr. Shatner. We know we’re just small ponderosa pines growing on Lava Butte near Bend, Oregon and we don’t really have a lot to offer compared to some of the other trees here, but we hope you’ll consider us. We wrote you a letter:

We’re still a few years away from having any baby trees, so no rush on our part. We look forward to hearing more songs and stories from and about you and maybe one day, having you join us on our butte.

Well, that’s all the time we have. So, @williamshatner, if you’re interested in any of the sites, just let us know at @treestellingstories and we’ll help make arrangements. When the time is right, of course.

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Acknowledgements: Thanks Bob M. for forwarding this song to Trees Telling Stories and thanks JD for the photograph from Butchart Gardens. Hope you both live long and prosper.